why do i still think about my ex years later

Both of you naturally got attached to each other and developed powerful feelings of love. Time to grow apart. You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. Without the memory of your former partner's negative behaviors in your current consciousness, they dwindle. Moreover, if their self-esteem is low or they’re hurting from a recently failed relationship, then dumpers will miss their ex much quicker. My husband is so so good to me, I absolutely love him and he would be shattered if he knew I still dreamt of my ex which is why I have no-one to explain my situation to. But, if the reason you're still thinking about your ex is that you still have strong feelings for them — and you're basically using your new partner as a placeholder — that's not fair. I just don’t get why my ex is still in my subconscious thoughts. As for the people who diligently work on leaving their ex behind, they normally reduce the number of ex-dreams and soften the impact that negative dreams have on their well-being. Although these symptoms are of emotional nature, they quickly turned into physical pain—affecting your whole body. I have better things to think about. Your ex-dreams on the other hand, can seem very real and probably hurt, annoy, prolong your detachment, and extract other unpleasant feelings from you. Time to move forward with your lives. She doesn’t sound like someone you want to be best friends with anyway. It was the right thing to do, and I'd make the same choices again, but I do still carry regret over hurting my ex. I STILL think my god I wish I had fucking known. And since dreaming about your ex probably hurts you and ruins your whole day, it might be in your best interest to stop dreaming about your ex or at least try to lower the frequency. I think she purposefully avoided attending a get-together of high school friends Saturday night because she found out I was there. I said it was fine. The moment you wake up from an ex-dream, you immediately become sentimental. The world was not in my favor. Doing so will lessen the number of ex-dreams. When your ex is on your mind 24/7 from the moment you wake up to the minute you fall asleep, it’s not really surprising if you dream about your ex as well. Last night was the first night where when I dreamed about my ex that we weren't actually still together. We broke up many years ago. I told my friends of this plan, and they, like me, agreed that there is no way I would still feel like this in a year, and even though they hated my ex boyfriend, and supported my plan on the grounds that it probably wouldn’t end up happening anyway. We are both married and have children with other people and I’m happy in my marriage. Over the past 5 years I periodically Googled her name and didn’t find much (no surprise, really, since I figured she married and changed her name). But it all starts with you and your willingness to fight your demons. They do so because they choose to fight for themselves and their recovery. This website uses cookies to enhance your browsing experience. Dumped 30 years ago and can't forget my first love. Fear dreams can be anything from wars and natural disasters to fear of spiders and ex-partners. So if deliberate thinking stimulates your brain to dream about your ex months or even years later, not thinking about your ex achieves exactly the opposite. You’re worried about your future with women. I went. This occurs because some regions of your brain are still highly stimulated. I do have hope for you, though, and definitely some perspective. “We hang out so much it feels like we’re dating.” To her, it feels like you guys already had your moment. That means if you’ve been feeling down, sad, depressed or anything negative recently, you are that much more likely to experience recurring dreams about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Why do you still think about your ex? But last night i had a dream about him, through that dream I felt the love again I‘ve had for him, it was a beautiful dream and i was so happy to feel this kind of love again because i‘ve never been able to fall in love after him. Try Me: Why Am I Still Thinking About My Ex Years Later? It left deep scars throughout your body and caused such mental anguish that your mind found it hard to just forget about it and pretend it never happened. I love these dreams. Don’t just tell yourself you don’t care, but feel it too! This was someone who was my best friend. We never had sex or anything, just a normal relationship. Have you tried all those sleeping pills and they do not seem to be working to end your insomnia? I would have wanted to date her. Most of the time, if the dreams are insignificant, we quickly forget about the dreams in just a few minutes. It’s the same kind of thing like the 5 Year Reunion. If your ex does dream about you though, it either happens for no reason whatsoever or because something bad has happened to your ex. They will become nostalgic and possibly even dream about their dumpees. He ended an 18 year relationship 4 years ago I was so hurt I thought I wouldn’t live through the pain, I had occasional bad dreams always about him hurting me and now the dreams are becoming more and more often I wake up crying at times and then hes stuck in my head all day I dont know why and i cant stand it anymore, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window), “Why Do I Dream About My Ex Years Later?”. I'd still … I’m not going to go out on a limb again. I think you might need to talk to a therapist for depression and obsession. it’s hard because I know how it feels to run into a ex and have all those feelings come back again, that’s why I think you need a professional to help you work through it this time. I felt ambushed, betrayed, decieved and it affected me physically and mentally for about two years. It’s not impossible. That’s because your thoughts encourage your mind to contemplate about your ex and keep him or her alive for as long as possible. The bad thing about dreaming is that you can’t force your ex out of your head no matter how much you hate dreaming about your ex. That whole summer she said things to me like, “We hang out so much it feels like we’re dating.” I thought that meant that it was a great time to see if we could go out. Stop letting other people dictate your path. You want her to fix the conflict between you two. Most people just don’t think about it. It started my current love interest called me to give me a gift but the person somehow turned into my ex from years ago….yuk! So if you were wondering if people dream about their ex-partners, you now have the answer. You haven’t found someone who feels like an adequate replacement as your best friend. If you think about your ex in a bittersweet fashion—you will likely dream about your ex. The Real Reason You Can't Stop Hating Your Ex How to get past the anger, even years after a breakup. Regardless if you muster enough balls to actually confront your ex-best-friend, you need to put your happiness in your own hands. She asked if I was cool with that. I'll try to be brief. I met my soulmate briefly. I remember in the dream itself that I felt disgusted I was even with him and glad it was over lol. It cannot be otherwise because as long as you supply emotions to your dreams, you give them the energy to return. There’s truly no end to everything you can dream about when it comes to ex-partners. According to HuffPost, we experience fear dreams when we feel vulnerable and afraid of something or someone hurting our emotional and physical well-being. I show up and this one girl asked if I’ve spoken to her recently. I lost my virginity to him. If you’re over your ex and you no longer care what your ex does or who he or she is with, then that’s a whole different story. Conversely, if you think happy thoughts and feel excited to be alive, you will mostly have happy dreams. And then I saw that the two of them were texting for a while. With a little bit of practice and by leaving your ex in the past, you can greatly reduce the number of dreams and nightmares of your ex. Female, 35. But recently something came up. Perhaps approaching her is better than the guessing game. Being in love can make us feel so deep in it. So as long as your brain is negatively affected and you’re in love with your ex, you have a high chance of dreaming about an ex from the past. But really I guess it was just sleeping with each other. A good example of this thesis is when you watch a horror movie, go to bed shortly after, and have nightmares as a result. The pain your ex made you feel wounded you extremely. I got no closure and he never spoke to me again. So I was like, Okay, I’m not going to say anything because I shouldn’t be reading these texts and I can’t see what she’s typing. The trick to quitting dreaming about your ex is therefore in letting go. So even if you’re no longer thinking about your ex, he or she has inflicted enough damage to affect your subconscious mind. It’s hard to throw someone entirely away. You’re never going to get what you want from this girl. I’m thinking about my ex all of a sudden. I got drunk. They can also get hurt after some time has gone by since the breakup. But, of course, the internet has changed that. I’m single right now. We had a horrible lunch where we said mean things to each other and we haven’t seen each other since. Remorse And it pisses me off because she was a cheater, a liar, and basically just used me—until it became convenient for her to blame all her life's problems on me—even though I was the only person who stood by her, for years! What you have to do is start practicing self-awareness and working on developing the willpower to overcome your emotional problems. I’ll just go back to sleep. It killed me but I got over it and I've now been in a relationship with someone amazing for a year and a half now!! If you often dream about your ex, the most reasonable explanation is that you are still aching over the loss of your romantic relationship. Now, she’s just playing the role of the ex-girlfriend who doesn’t want to see her ex-boyfriend who she knows still wants her (probably from your mutual friend). You must work on becoming “okay” with your ex’s dating decision and explain to yourself that it’s no longer your concern. Not sure what all this could mean? And the same ideology applies to your ex-dreams. I forgot about him tbh. Are you dreaming about your ex nearly every day? That’s why you shouldn’t be concerned if you dream about your ex every now and then months or years after the breakup. There are rational explanations that don’t entail trying to get back together with your ex. So if you’re experiencing recurring dreams about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend or you can’t stop dreaming about your ex’s new partner, this is the article for you. We hung out a bit more that summer. Throughout this whole letter, you put the action in someone else’s control. News alert: if your ex has really moved on, do your new beau a favor and forget about the ex - who is now gone. Have you heard her? This implies that something is provoking your unpleasant dreams—and that something is most likely your ex. If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! And hopeless romantics usually get left in the dust because they can’t let go of something that isn’t there. The bad thing about it is that as long as you are still struggling with the breakup, these dreams will keep recurring. It has been about a year and a half but I think I'm finally over her. I wanted to know if you could give me perspective on why I'm still thinking about her, and why there still seems to be a conflict between us even though we haven't spoken in years. Chances are at that 5 Year Reunion, she didn’t want to see your entire high school. You can have happy, sad, nostalgic, sexual, and even seeing your ex with someone else kind of dreams. Whenever you cry, get anxious or feel angry because of your dreams, you give your dreams exactly what makes them recur. You want me to give you perspective. What’s The Best Way To Get Back At Your Ex? Scientists say that people have on average about 5-7 dreams per night so the odds of you dreaming about your ex are not very low. Assuming that you’re the dumpee (the person who got dumped), the termination of your romantic relationship likely felt as if you were going to die. I started dreaming about my ex lately, he broke up 4 years ago and this was the biggest pain i‘ve ever experienced because he was my soulmate. Has she done efforts to contact you? Since dumpees’ mental state is usually weakened, they are that much more likely to dream about their ex-partners. But the truth is that everyone is afraid of something. For me personally, I had to discover myself again. I tell him how sorry I am for everything and we get back together and plan a future together. Nightmares especially wake us up very often and instantly demand from us that we think about them. Another reason to romanticize … Accept the dream and don’t react negatively to it. Your ex just isn’t as emotionally distressed as you, so the probability of your ex dreaming about you is significantly lower. And once you do, you can open your life to new people. It took me forever to get over my ex, and I still have moments to this day. Something has triggered a specific loneliness in you -- my guess is your hyper-awareness of being single coupled with your inability to understand what you want in the next girl. I dont really think about my ex ever until I have one of these dreams randomely. Because when you guess, your mind goes to weird places and you spiral. So whenever you feel negative emotions—your mind often jumps back in time and tries to solve your current emotional distress. I have been doing no contact to try and keep her out of my mind while I am getting over her. The two of you bonded on a deep level and likely shared a strong emotional connection—one that only romantic partners can experience. Either way, recurring dreams about your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend could feel so real, they end up playing with your emotions and make you unbelievably nostalgic. Some people honestly believe that their emotions are impossible to change and control—so they just accept their rampaging impulses. By thinking of the worst possible scenarios, you regularly (with despondent emotions) push your ex into your subconscious mind. 2. The future scares you because you are still stuck in your past. I was seeing someone who I went to college with. We were in college when we met and I fell deeply in love. You’ve already noticed that some dreams are completely random and have no connection to the real world. Do you still awake till 4:00 am everyday because you cannot sleep? I’ll explain what’s going on: you two broke up and I suppose it’s she who took the initiative. Depending on how detached you are from your ex, dreaming about your ex could mean a lot or absolutely nothing. I feel that if someone said to him what do you chose first.... Alcohol, weed, or your girlfriend...which do you choose? Welcome to “Try Me.,” Elite Daily’s new advice column that shares the tough love your friends are too afraid to give you. And as you may already know, the longer this goes on for and the more attention you give to your ex, the more hurt you get. You basically dream about what you want to dream about the least. What has she done those last 8 months? Due to the pain you’ve endured—your brain, therefore, finds it difficult to overlook the shortage of happy hormones that the breakup has caused. It just means that you still feel something for him or her. So if you’re having an ex-dream once in blue moon, it’s perfectly normal. I know it may be easier said than done, but trust me. Just let it go. I don’t think so. And yet 20 years later I still think of Sarah. Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. My Best Friend Is Dating My Ex Who I Still Love, How To Tell If A Guy With A Girlfriend Likes You?. If you’re heartbroken and constantly think about your ex, then you’re compulsively feeding your ex-obsession. We hooked up a couple times while in college, but didn’t sleep with each other. In the dream, I know its a dream and try make the most of it. Those are usually the people who haven’t exercised their mind enough and instead let their emotions make the decisions for them. You’re thinking about her because her absence is related to your own personal insecurities. I wake up feeling awful. Its hard to accept that I will most likely not speak to or see him again in my life. You made her uncomfortable by trying to be more -- this is how she’s letting you down without explicitly letting you down (because the last time that happened you got in a major fight). Whatever terms you left on is not nearly as important as what you’re going to do now. We ended up breaking up in September 2010 (we dated 1 year, 2 months), he said he didn't except to fall in love at such a young age, even though for the past year he told me he loved me like everyday and he always will. I‘m completely over him I also wish him the best. Since you despise that idea so much you probably dream about your ex hugging, kissing, and doing various romantic things with another person. Three years sounds like a lot of time to still hold a grudge, especially with someone with whom you’ve already lost touch. Of course things were great in the beginning..but as time went on he really did not treat me that well. If what you want is closure from her, then seek it out yourself and don’t be afraid of what happens after. Those are the people who usually prolong their recovery and dream about their ex nearly every night. But for them to dream about their ex-partner, they have to first process the relief and elation from the breakup. Perhaps it’s no longer a conflict between you two, but time. I did not physically cheat on my ex, but emotionally cheated. I don’t believe in soul mates, but I do believe in that it takes a long time to get over people, even the toxic ones. Here’s the backstory: We were best friends all through high school. You think of warm feelings instead of the bad ones that led to its ending… And voilà, now you’re thinking about her again. It’s Soo annoying I wish that I wouldn’t dream of him anymore. I have no feelings at all and happy it was over . You’ve become so distanced from this relationship that now when you recall it, you recall it differently. The best 8 months of life and we connected on every level. Do you think you can't keep a record of how many sleepless nights you had after you had broken up with your ex? I’m 25 now. That’s because you and your ex once lived a joint life and spent a great portion of your time together. You’re ready for the real long-term thing, but you’re also scared sh*tless of it because you’ve been burned before. I agree with the time sentiment. I was with my ex boyfriend for about 5 years and never stopped loving him. When she’s already gone, throwing her away doesn’t make you a piece of sh*t. It helps you to move on. Assuming that you’re the dumpee (the person who got dumped), the termination of your romantic relationship likely felt as if you were going to die. To the brain, the loss of your partner felt like the worst case of drug addiction—hence why you probably experienced drug-like withdrawal symptoms. Everything your ex did with you, he or she likely does with a third party—and the thought of that bothers you a lot. So if you keep waking up in the night whenever you dream about your ex, here’s what your dreams could mean. If what you want is to rekindle something that happened three years ago, well then you need to accept that that chapter is closed. In the past such musings just were just pie-in-the-sky daydreams. Speculating on why she didn’t come when you already believe it was you is a waste of your time. Part of that is because, like you said, you don’t even know what you want and part of it is because she does what is convenient for her, regardless of other people’s feelings. We went out for 2 years and she said that she loved me. You want someone to tell you what you want. To stop obsessing over your ex’s new partner, you should practice acceptance and forgiveness. It’s up to you to see things clearly. Fast-forward to our high school Five Year Reunion, she didn’t go because she didn’t want to see people. Dreaming about your ex years later is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, most people dream about their ex-partner every now and then—whether it’s been 5 months or 5 years after the breakup. Anyways we broke up he went back to his ex which I don’t understand why cause he told me she made him wanna kill his self but okay and I went back to my ex and I absolutely love my boyfriend like I wanna spend the rest of my life with him I’ve been with him for almost 3 years now and I’d do anything for him buuuttttt I can’t get my ex out my head why? It sounds like a part of you feels that there's something missing so you can't let go. Although they may not disappear the moment you start working on your inner peace, they will, however, become a lot easier to deal with. Well the joke was on everyone, because I … He started acting weird towards the end of the relationship and broke up with me because he wasn't "happy" with me anymore. Since your ex hurt you badly, he or she is still alive in your head as a reminder to prevent your past from repeating itself. How Long Do Affairs Last After They Are Discovered? So if you think about it in an optimistic way, your brain only wants you to overcome your fears – to accept your ex’s new partner (if there is a new person) and move on properly. He broke up with me. It’ll be three years this New Year’s. When I went in for a kiss during some playful stuff we were doing her reaction legitimately made my heart race, in a bad way, and I woke up. It has been 5 years since I walked away from my ex in a crowded airport not knowing that we'd never see one another again. So if you’re still wondering why you shouldn’t dream about your ex, here’s an infographic explaining the reasons in more detail. stop obsessing over your ex’s new partner, seeing your ex with someone else in a dream, What does it mean if you dream about your ex, Why should you stop dreaming about your ex. I'd say, you have to do a big of digging to figure out why you're not over them yet. Then I feel like a piece of sh*t. After that New Year’s I was like, I’m not going to call her for a while. Why in the world could he not stop thinking of her? If she avoided a party because you were there, well then, she’s pretty f*cking petty and has issues of her own. In fact, it probably disturbs you so much, your fears manifest in the form of a dream. Comment below. Even if you’re the dumper, you could feel as if you’ve made a big mistake for letting your ex go. We also were friends prior to dating (we dated for many years). Not as long as it doesn’t hurt you. If there’s a situation she doesn’t like, she just doesn’t show up. You need to know what you miss about her in order to get closer to what you want. You found out she was going to the party, but you didn’t reach out to her beforehand to personally confirm and say hi after all these years. What do you know about her? I think the reason I'm "stuck" thinking about my ex is because I'm the one that ended things. This girl has a pattern of running away from conflict, so that’s how she’ll deal with your breakup. Has it been months or years since your breakup? What would happen if you asked her what is up? I haven't spoken to the girl who used to be my best friend. Emotions are what drive you to obsess over your ex and dream about him or her. In general, though, if it’s been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help. She went back to school and I didn’t hear from her until December. I had a dream again last night about him. We had sex in her hot tub. If you’re wondering how to stop dreaming about your ex’ here’s what you can do. I suggest that you try not to get annoyed when you dream about your ex. You really have nothing to lose by trying. This is something you need to work on (as evidenced by your obsession with the future) -- being comfortable with unknown outcomes. I never want these dreams to end when I have them. If you’re dreaming about your ex and his or her new partner, then chances are you still care about your ex and hate seeing him or her with someone else. I’ve never had this before and I’m wondering if it’s just me being silly or that he might be thinking about me or I just have a sense for these things…

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